If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You're a waste of cheezeits
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
