i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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