You're completely useless in the revolution.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
