i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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