no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
