i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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