margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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