We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I AM VODKA MAN
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
