I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
false alarm, still single
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
