What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am mentally ready for anal.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
