kristin has been a bad kristin
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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