whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
