I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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