Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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