hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
