Reggie can tackle my bush.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
