Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
