I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
