ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
