Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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