Fine. I'll sleep in my office
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize