I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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