Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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