just come out here and I will go home with you...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
