K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
