You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
