While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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