Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
