I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
