I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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