Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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