You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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