We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
