I bet he comes in French.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
