they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
