my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
