Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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