Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
