Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm really busy with my period
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