oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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