yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
