at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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