so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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