And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
