i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
