White coat. Heels.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
