I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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