perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
