What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
