I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just want nice things and good sex
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
